Mood: Blah

I'm working on getting diagnosed with ADHD. I'm fairly confident that I will be officially diagnosed on the 20th of November. I was really excited at first because I thought I had found a therapist that I would like. He has a sense of humor and doesn't take things too seriously. He's also fairly sarcastic, which set me at ease at first, but now it makes me nervous. I'm finding its taking me a while to warm up to talking to him at the beginning of our sessions. Oh well, I'm going to give it time and more thought.

In the past few years, I've felt that if I let myself get under too much pressure that I would go crazy. I felt that I would put myself at great risk for becoming clinically depressed. I'm finding there may be some truth in that feeling, but things have not been nearly as disastrous as I had imagined. I can see myself benefiting greatly from a coach to help me get organized and stay motivated. I have a lot on my plate: school, bills, my boyfriend, family, my job, and deadlines. I was on top of things at some point, and now things are slipping through my fingers. I just hope things get better, and I'm not sure how to help it.

I need to spend more time trying to stay organized, but it is difficult not to take a defeatist attitude, knowing that I will eventually slip back to normal. For example, its taken me almost a year to train myself to keep my cellphone and ipod in a separate pocket from my keys and change. I still mess up all the time.

I'm bordering on frustration with the way I am living my life. I hope therapy helps, I hope I find the strength and motivation to try harder.